Home » MISC » Dr. Kalofagas or Mr. Hyde?

Somewhere between when I started this blog just over a year ago and now, some people have gotten the impression that I’m some Wally Cleaver or something. The nice guy next door who will never say the wrong thing or curse or swear.

I think the reality is that I’m probably closer to an Eddie Haskel, use profanity to help express myself and to the chagrin of some women, I’ve told them exactly how I feel if they are annoying, nagging or expect the world handed to them on a silver platter. I was just called a Prick (again) last night.

The George Carlin clip is a classic and he’s still relevant. So, do you want me to recite my favourite cussin’ words? Really? I knew you’d say that.

I got fired up this past weekend watching Giada’s Everyday Italian. She appeared on an episode called “Greek Fusion”.

If it wasn’t for her great set of tits I’d write her off completely. At least she has tits…Rachel Ray doesn’t.

The 5 foot titted wonder blasphemed Greek dishes by trying to put an Italian twist on Greek classics. Giada, you’re a nice gal, I’m happy that you’re now the proud mother of a baby girl but ya fucked up.

Greek Caponata? Look here, Tits…the dish is called Tourlou, it’s not a stretch of the ingredients to make it like a Greek.

Orzo Stuffed peppers? What’s wrong, in all of Italy or Los Angeles…you couldn’t find one cup of rice to stuff some peppers? Oh yeah…your hubby stuffs his crotch with them.

Crispy Smoked Mozzarella With Honey & Figs? This sounds like something Pizza Hut would serve me for dessert rather than at a Greek taverna.

Her pinnacle of fucking up Greek food came with her take on baklava. Her simple baklava was phyllo pastry jammed into muffin tins with the expertise of a 12 year old applying her first tampon and she had the nerve to call it baklava.

Oh, I forgot…her show’s called Everyday Italian and, apparently she forgot too.

Allow me to bring everything home here. To my Italian friends…imagine the horror in my adding crumbled feta in a Spaghetti Bolognese?

Would you fancy a Greek adding 7-Up to a FATTORIA LE PUPILLE SAFFREDI MAREMMA ROSSO 2004 or wouldn’t it be cute…no, brilliant if I blogged about my ultimate pasta dish and put my Greek twist on things…the perfect pasta…cooked in 20 minutes (almost to a polenta)?

I think you get my drift. You as bloggers have every right to cook anyway you see fit but if you’re stepping out and trying a dish outside your culture then pay some respect to the dish and to the cuisine.

When I make an international dish, I always think to myself, “will the Chinese, Italian, Frenchman or Japanese person sit down and genuinely enjoy the dish I’ve just served?

Giada failed miserably and many bloggers are guilty of it too. Please stop…it’s fucking annoying.

While I’m “at it”…allow me to remind some people that a Greek salad consists of ripe tomatoes, cucumbers, green peppers, red onions, salt and pepper, dried Greek oregano, extra virgin olive oil, Greek feta and that red wine vinegar & olives are optional.



67 Responses

  1. Fuckin’ A, Peter/Eddie!

    I just choked on my feta stuffed salmon on a bed of tortilla strips, bok choy, kalamata olives, and fried squid eyes, drizzled with a lime-coconut milk reduction.

    One of your finest, most hilarious blogging moments.

  2. Fuck yeah, boner king! you’ve said it exactly right. that is why i am so passionate about expressing what the traditional method SHOULD be instead of just fucking the whole thing up my way and not explaining why. it just makes me mad and that’s kind of why i hate the food network!

    i never thought of you to be wally cleaver. but i never want to see the word “tits” and “rachael ray” in the same sentence again.

  3. Uh oh! I don’t remember ever posting about any Greek food on my blog, so I think I’m okay.

    I know what you mean, though. I absolutely fucking cringe every time I see someone use cottage cheese in lasagne. Most of my relatives in Italia have never even HEARD of cottage cheese!

    Hehehe. Wally Cleaver!

  4. WOW. Just wow.

    Okay, what are you saying about my orzo? Or all those times i use a weird Chinese vegetable to make a gratin or risotto? Wasn’t authentic enough for ya? This is really about me, isn’t it? ;)

    I am just so fucking happy to not be the only shit-slinger around here. You’re good people, Mr. The Greek.

  5. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  6. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  7. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  8. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  9. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  10. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  11. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  12. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  13. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  14. So my husband was not the only one P-off yesterday….My first thought when I read your post, was to go down my repertoire of recipes to see when I have offended you so, but when I thought about it further, I had to agree. If I am going to serve a true SA dish,I must stick to the original recipe and actually teach people about my culture….

  15. Wow! Mr. Perfect really is perfect! I just don’t respect a man who won’t let the words fly when needed – and this was an excellent rant! I don’t pretend I can cook like a Greek. But now I like reading your blog even more!

  16. Hear hear! As I’ve heard it said here in the South… “PREACH it!”

    And, tell me something… where in the blue hell did this idea *cough* come from to add POTATO salad to the middle of a Greek salad??!?!

    *smacks my forehead*

  17. Peter when I’ve ‘tried’ to cook anything Greek (or Chinese or whatever) I really have ‘tried’. We can’t all know how to cook everything – that’s why we read recipe books. I only follow what I’ve read.
    I really hope I’m not in your list of annoying bloggers?
    I love reading your blog and you have made me laugh reading this post – GOOD for you to have a rant!

  18. Heee! That George Carlin skit is one of my favorites EVER. lmfao I don’t watch FoodNetwork, and have never seen Gaida in action…but have seen RR (gag). I can totally see you as Eddie Haskel, btw. Wally had never even crossed my mind. LOL ps…you think the Cubans can swear? Come on over to the Canaries and we’ll give you the full work up on Spanish raunch words. We can make feta bolognese with squid ink, and call it Greek/Italian/Spanish fusion. (kidding!)

  19. Well actually having met the Boner King,I can say he is good people. Opinated but he he has the right to be . As for the person who dismissed you as a prick, they should have stuck around and probally would have found one of the most interesting and fun people on the planet.

  20. Catherine, thanks…it was a cathartic moment.

    Mary, yes..olives are usually in a Greek salad.

    Never Full, I’m not against twists, variances or reinterpretations but do explain/give background on the core dish…at the very least and don’t butcher the dish either.

    Giz, It’s Festivus all ‘year round…airing grievances.

    Sticky, you’re in the clear…lol.

    Ferdzy…I used to get dententions…alot.

    Lulu…thanks…fun link!

    Heather, I know that you know the origins of a dish. Your readers know you’ll put on a Dali kind ogf twist to the dish. However, tread carefully if you use tofu in a Greek dish.

    Nina…No! This beef of mine has been boiling…Giada uncorked it.

    Pete, I just want our cuisine to be approached with some integrity, Giada poo-pooed Greek food.

    Chrissy, thanks…just speaking “unbridled”…more like how you’d find me in person.

    Marjie, I won’t fall off the rails and curse all the time here but I will loosen up…a more genuine approach, thanks for understanding.

    Sam, I knew you would agree…some Greeks are just as a bad too!

    Nikki, I wish I could point out some Greek cooking disasters…hmmm, maybe I will.

    Jan, relax doll…your effort and success with food is evident…I would have&have told you one instance of a Greek recipe straying and you agreed and remedied the dish. You come back from your Greek vacation armed with more Greek food knowledge.

    Nikki, glad to know I’m in good company…you were the girl next door that came over to raid the parents’ liquor cabinet…weren’t ya? lol The Espanol cussin’ challenge is on!

    Courtney…ahhh the Boner King awaits your return to TO…I’ve got other T-shirts to share! lol

  21. dont worry peter, as far as i can remember you are the king of greek cooking in my heart :-) never i would desecrate it, not without your proper guidance :-)

    this is mouth watering Greek salad!!

  22. Wow! Not what I expected when I fired up my reader! Bloody funny though…

    … yet, I must disagree on certain points (though I’m scared!). To me experimentation is one of the essential parts of cooking, trying new things, and working out new flavours. I don’t think “will the Chinese, Italian, Frenchman or Japanese person sit down and genuinely enjoy the dish I’ve just served?” I think, will the people I’m serving enjoy it – as people – not because of where they come from? Do the flavours work? Is the dish good?
    Imagine if the cooks of Malaysian had refused to allow fusion between the diverse ethnic cuisines – what a loss!

    Authenticity has its place, and it’s a wonderful one, but I hope it isn’t at the loss of experimenting!

    However, what I do despise is bad cooking, and bad flavour/texture matching… and Rachel Ray… and why I do agree with most of your rant ;)

  23. You go, Peter!!
    I was just telling a friend of mine this afternoon that if she wanted to do greek food, she needed to check your site out immediately.
    I want your Greek salad for lunch!!!!

  24. Kittie, as long as a preamble or background on the original dish is given, experimentation is fine and in the experience of immigrant populations, traditional dishes have transformed into something and wonderful.

    Conversely…tofu has no business in greek food, I’ve seen cheesecake recipes butchered in Europe, pizza gets mauled in Greece and Haggis converted into “mystery meat”.

    I disagree with your approach to thinking “will the people I serve enjoy it”. It’s this exact thought process that restauranteurs apply in tourist destinations like Greece. I find it appauling when I see tourists flocking to eat their native foods in the country they are vacationing in, Greeks very guilty of this too.

  25. I completely agree there are some things that never work – and should be left well alone :)

    I really really hate the home-food-abroad tourist thing, but I believe that if that had been correctly tempered with the questions: “Do the flavours work? Is the dish good?” then it wouldn’t be nearly the issue it is. I wouldn’t come to Canada and only eat in Canadian restaurants. The big problem is that so many tourists are willing to eat utter crap. The so-called paella served in many tourist Spanish destinations is often of far worse quality than the non-Spanish offerings.

    Anyway, my question was “will the people I’m serving…” and I would never serve food to the types of people who would go to Greece and demand a full English breakfast!! ;)

  26. Hi Peter, I totally understand and agree with you! You said it just right (even I do not know this Giada person)… I totally hate people doing like they can change everything (concerning the dishes)… I cannot imagine bolognese sauce on potato… it wouldn’t be pasta bolognese, would it? I love my mother-in-law – she always cooked all her dishes without any changes for years now – you know that if she invites you to eat mousaka – you will get the greek mousaka, and inviting you for greek breakfast – you will certainly not get served ham and eggs!…. Greek kitchen for ever!\

    Of course – everybody has to apply his tastes on his dishes, but not to show it on TV / public!

  27. You know, I got that impression myself. That’s a good thing though, you present yourself in a nice way. We all try too, even though we all curse and all that stuff. By the way Gearge Carlin is the funniest M’f’er in the whole world!

  28. I’m all for experimentation and adapting to the circumstances in which one finds oneself, but honestly, Giada makes me cuss up a mean streak too. I really hope that people aren’t carrying that impression of Italian cuisine with them, much less Greek cuisine.

  29. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  30. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  31. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  32. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  33. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  34. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  35. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  36. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  37. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  38. rofl, I wish I had something to add, but you’ve rather succinctly said it all. “Look here, Tits”–lol! Actually, there’s one more person you forgot to discuss: Sandra Lee, where making something Mexican means opening a jar of salsa and pouring it into a bowl

  39. well, you can’t complain with me – i’ve always supported genuinely greek cuisine! if i’m unsure of anything, i just have to ask my know-all husband – he knows everything about greek food, not because he cooks it, but only because he eats it!

  40. I don’t know if I got a bigger kick out of the post or the comments. Peter, what I like is that you have strong opinion. We are similar in that regard (although I don’t necessarily use THOSE words). I call myself the Opinionator. You want to know what I think, well, then, I’m glad you asked…

    Mince garlic, not words.

  41. I was wondering, Anthony
    Bourdain isn’t a distant cousin of yours is he? I see a lot of similarities!!! (Just kidding!)

  42. I would have to say this is a very enlightening post. I am sure I am on your list of impostors :)

    For me, I have always felt that food is kind of fluid and organic. Through tasting different cuisines, you start to put your own stamp on things that are not the food you grew up on.

    There are certain foods, that I love – like Feta – I even though I am an Italian, put Feta in my eggplant parmesan, because I like the tang. I put Greek yogurt on pasta – again because of the tang. For me there is not background to give on these dishes, because I just made them up due to taste.

    I know my food is a combination of all the culinary experiences I have had in my life. Which are as varied as the day is long.

    But I like that you have a strong opinion! It is fun to hear! :)

  43. Dhanngit, you’re too kind…I’m just trying to present Greek food in it’s delicious way we know it as Greeks.

    Judy. hang-on…more rides to come.

    Kittie (rebuttal)…we really are in concert…I see no problem with tweaking, playing with a dish as long as the approach is an educated one and still true to the dish.

    Maryann, Giada can do whatever she likes with Italian food but surprisingly her Italian flare on Greek food’s a flop.

    Janulka, a great perspective…thanks!

    Erik, I’d love to be the guy you’d meet when the “guys are together” but the readership here is wide and diverse…I like the middle road.

    Fearless, I do like many of her Italian dishes but this episode irked me royally.

    Mike, Sandra Lee hasn’t made it up here yet…cross my fingers she doesn’t.

    Kiwi, I love your blog because you showcase many Cretan (regional) dishes that open my eyes, even as a Greek. I will cook more Cretan dishes.

    Lori Lynn…luv it…the Opinionator…imagine cooking for a bunch of foodies? A thrilling challenge!

    Marie, Tony Bourdain doesn’t know when to stop. I’ve had my say, it’s done & out there.

    Jenn, allow me to say that I don’t consider you an “imposter”.

    From my perspective…being Greek and eating Greek food in my home, restaurants and in Greece, one has a certain insight on the ingredients and the approach to the dish. There’s nothing wrong with using Greek ingredients in your own way but when one makes something and calls it by a greek dish and it’s a total departure well then, I do take notice. My beef is there with what I’ve seen out there.

    Moussaka or Pastitsio without a Bechamel? Ridiculous.

    Greek salad with iceberg lettuce, a sin.

    Calling anything on a skewer a souvlaki – careless.

    A Tzatziki with 10 cloves of garlic…overkill.

    Gyro with ground meat is nowhere to be found in Greece.

    There’s some education to be doled out on Greek food…I’m glad to dispense some.

  44. Too funny. You put a much needed smile on my face. I can’t stand Giada. No, I’m not jealous of her chest, as it will sag one day. I just don’t like her attitude and I’m not particularly smitten with her recipes either.

  45. Oh, I didn’t know about the green pepper in Greek salad! Or, do I not know about it or just never put it? Besides that and having “regular” feta (instead of Greek feta), I think my fantabulous Greek Salad is bang-on! I don’t even put olives! Woohoo!

    =D
    _ts

  46. BTW Peter, a co-worker of man met Giada in L.A. a year and a half ago and said she was w-a-y better looking in person. Oh my … I think I just innoculated ha ha ha

    Paul

  47. Peter, if you ever saw Sandra Lee try to make something “Greek” you would think Giada seriously nailed it. Talk about sheer HORROR! lol. I’m not gonna lie…I would probably love feta in my bolognese. Heh. ;) But, I know what you mean. Certain “Greek” recipes truly make me cringe (no dill in a spanakopita?!), but I am always glad to see people experimenting with the flavors, because it’s the best way to veer toward authenticity.

  48. Lisa, it appears Food Network is losing steam and I find myself watching the PBS shows more.

    TS, the Greek salad is a simple one and it’s success hinges on quality ingredients.

    Paul, I can’t be acting all frat party & shit but I’ll go nuts here & there. Also…you did WHAT? lol

    Elly, I’m gonna do a search on the Food Network site and see what this broad’s up to. I’ll also bring a barf bag. As for experimenting, I’m all for it too but address the traditional recipe and pay some respect to it. You’re bang on, sista!

    Meghan…thanks hun and no feta in Bolognese…PROMISE!

  49. Freaking hilarious! Remind me never to tinker miserably with a Greek meal then blog about it. Hell hath no fury like a proper cuisine scorned…

  50. ” I think I just inoculated” … it’s a line from Beavis and Butthead. My heroes! Woohoo!

    Paul

  51. I agree and disagree with this post.

    I think the key is that you should know what the dish is supposed to have and what the flavors should be before messing with it. I cringe at pho recipes made by non-VNese who merely add spices to canned beef broth, or who use bean thread noodles instead of rice stick noodles, or who use mint instead of basil. The result is a very different flavor and texture. I wonder if it’s b/c people have to adapt if they lack certain ingredients, or if they really just can’t taste the difference. But we all have different tastebuds and if they didn’t grow up eating pho, how would they know what it’s supposed to be?

    BTW, I do use cottage cheese in my lasagna. I like the milder flavor, it melts, and it’s cheaper. I think the difference is that I know I’m supposed to use ricotta, and would state that ricotta is the traditional cheese used in my post, but I just prefer cottage cheese.

    P.S. I’ve been served Greek salad in Greece that included iceberg lettuce. :P It tasted fine as iceberg is a neutral flavor for me. I wouldn’t go tossing carrots in there though. Or would I? If I did and called it a Greek-inspired salad, would that then make it acceptable? Like how I don’t say my feta cheeseburgers are Greek, they’re just Greek inspired.

  52. Wandering,

    Thanks for your reply…we agree on how people should handle our respective cuisines. I’ve seen “greek” dishes with no background, no reference to the original or trad. dish and this is lazy, careless and lacks respect for the particular cuisine.

    It’s a fine line…some might not like Pho with mint and substitute but that should be said, rather than pass off the dish as the real-deal.

    Imagine if I made Chao Tom with chicken? lol It’s not exactlly Chao Tom now is it?

    Bottom line…I don’t think throwing together a bunch of Greek ingredients together and call it “greek” is justified. “Greek-inspired” is about right.

  53. What a fuss!!!! I don’t know about the TV program you talk about.
    What I know is that I like to be the closer possible to the original or traditional recipe (eventhough there might be different versions), always respecting other opinions, and never insulting others!

    On the other hand, if you have a TV program, your behaviour and recipes should be perfect or the nearest possible to perfection!

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